CEO TO WOMEN: DON’T ASK FOR A RAISE

Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella said that women shouldn’t ask for more money but rather simply believe that “the system will give you the right raise.”

This is really good advice, because everyone knows The System hates to be asked even simple questions such as “may I please be paid an equal wage for equal work?” Especially if The System is not in a very good mood, which, lately, I think we’d agree has been the case. So here’s the lesson, gals: don’t ask for stuff and you’ll be given it when The System thinks you’ve earned it. That strategy worked great with voting rights!

Nadella then said that women who don’t ask for raises have superpowers. What’s funny here is that some people think CEOs are out of touch.

Other fun questions for The System you may be tempted to ask but don’t because then you’ll get rewarded with more money AND superpowers:

1. Why does productivity go up and up and up and wages stagnate and even lose buying power?

2. Why do CEOs make over 300 times what their workers make?

3. If workers were allowed to discuss wages with each other, would we really all turn into stone? Is that the myth? I forget the myth about workers discussing wages with each other, but I’m sure it is really bad for you.

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